In the Summer Time.........

It's been a long time since I've posted anything on this site. So as Mark Twain said 'the report of my death is greatly exaggerated' Yes some things did die in the interim, some passions waned and some relationships were revealed to be superficial. Fortunately most things that really matter have stayed constant and minor reversals that are part of the dynamics of life forced necessary stock taking and a clearance of a redundant item or two.

Ah..yes.. having got that out of the way it's the season of advent again. The advent of the great summer sloth where people declare that work is evil and to be avoided. We eat too much, drink too much and spend too much money that we haven't yet earned. Then comes January and we encounter the Ghost of Christmas Past. Not as revealed by Jacob Marley but the account for our pleasures as detailed on the credit card statement.

But this is taking a morbid turn and it wasn't meant to happen so the weather is always a good standby topic.

Yes indeed summer is here. The mossies zing and the frogs croak with throaty gusto. The geckos crap on my books and papers and the campaign against wood borer is in full swing and..yes... I even heard some christmas beetles yesterday. Then there are the sun touched among us who declare the weather to be lekker. So if you like your lover sweaty then life, lust and beer are the order of the day. Throw in some skinny dipping and then indeed it's sub-tropical nirvana.

Cheers, beers and love to those who matter.

You are Proudly South African when….

You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
You call an elevator a 'lift'
You call a hood a 'bonnet'
You call a trunk a 'boot'
You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'
You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'
The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.
You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.
You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.
You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.
You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.
You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.
You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee
More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, April, January, September, Patience, Portion, Coronation.
'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.
You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.
You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.
The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
You paint your car's registration on the roof.
You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.
You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.
Prisoners go on strike.
You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA.

VIVA !!!!!

Lekker slaap om die Wêreld:

HOLLAND: Goeden nagt

AUSTRALIE: Night Mate

USA: Goodnite

DUITSLAND: Släfin si wöl

SUID AFRIKA: Is die deure gesluit, die vensters toegemaak,die kar ingetrek en die alarm geaktiveer? Is die Rotweilers gebêre en veilig? Lekker slaap, moenie worry nie, Eskom sal die ligte afsit!

Shake, Rattle ‘n Roll

Hardly a day goes by without news of some natural disaster. A flood here, a volcano there, a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico or bush fires in Australia. Whatever it is it’s now blamed on Global Warming. This makes a change from the usual suspect of fifty years ago – the Atom Bomb. Except if it happens in the Free State then it’s because the Dominee went fishing on Sunday on the other side of the Vaal River in the ou Transvaal instead of attending to God’s work. Dis waar!

With all this going on the earthquake that struck Great Britain last week went somewhat unnoticed. The Brits faced the disaster with the usual Bulldog spirit. They were out and about the next day with ‘business as usual’ and offering cheerful greetings to each other such as ‘…’ee by gumm Gladys, did Earth move for you last night?’ or ‘Me Old Man says no more curried eggs for him!’

Small as Britain is we must not forget that it too has its share of great disasters and consequent damage. The recent ‘quake was no exception as the photograph shows.

Fantastic Offer.

This Stainless Steel Braai absolutely free. Yes free!!

Hurry to your nearest Pick 'n Pay, Spar, Woolworths and Checkers to get yours while stocks last.

Proudly South African

Today is the last day of Valentine's month. Yes the day has been extended to a season to keep the cash registers ringing....or beeping......or whatever new digital thing they now do. The DAY itself passed me by without a Hallmark card to be seen. Nothing, squat, niks, zilch.

In my aggrieved state I thought of setting up an Anti Valentines Day Society with the slogan 'Say NO to VD!' After-all who wants to receive a card from someone who has to get Hallmark to come up with the words. The company can't even get their ad correct. 'If words don't come easy' Really!

Fortunately someone else was of like mind and way ahead of me and has ready made 'No VD' greetings. They also have suitable greetings for other non VD occasions. Just visit them here and make your choice.

Tonight on TV 3's Top Billing a local someone or other was featured. The gushing interviewer said 'I understand that you were a good soccer player and successful business man but decided on a complete change and made a 360° turn in your career'

(Must have done geometry on flunky grade!)

Cats are, at times, delightful creatures. On other occasions they are just downright perverse.

My youngest addition is always keen to spend the mornings with me. I make her a nice cosy spot away from the computers, documents and drawings complete with an old towel to sleep on but NO! Instead she chooses a hard surface and curls up half on top of pencils and things and goes out for the count.

Incidentally she's called Spike because after having flea muti applied behind her neck she turned into a punk cat with spiky hair. One of my past cats was called Oliver because he always asked for more food. He started out as Eddie which was the shortened Anglicised version of Oedipus. But that had to be explained too often so I........

Oh shit I'm getting old. The next thing I'll be talking about is my potted African Daisies. Bring back She the Keeper of the Sacred Oil and lets have some real fun. But women are, at times, delightful creatures. On other occasions....... and this is where I came in!

'...For the Pride of your Nations start your Engines' Zuoooma!


An A1 Grand Prix was held here in Durban today.

As usual the politicians were out in full force being only too eager to bask in the reflected glory generated by capable and efficient people. But why did Jacob Zuma give the invitation to the drivers to start their engines?. After all he holds no government office and is surely outranked by the Premier of KwaZulu-Natal and Mayor of Durban in terms of protocol?

The race itself proved to be one of attrition. Shake Park corner caused total mayhem much as it did in the days of the old Fairfield Handicap. Our team eventually finishing in the points in 7th position.

I wonder where Jacob Zuma will eventually finish? I'm afraid. Very afraid.

I'm sitting here in my underpants because it's a stinking hot, humid, Durban night. Having nothing better to do I put through a rare telephone call to my sister in Jo'burg.....and, of course, the conversation turned to the weather.

After listening to my complaints about the heat she countered smugly by saying 'It's lovely and crisp up here in the mornings and the evenings.'

'Yeah' I retorted 'its crisp down here too....like bacon'

A Rage against the Night

Today I pondered the efforts we make to extend our lives. Diets, avoid this, avoid that, omega 3 oils, low GI foods, supplements and more supplements. We are encouraged to exercise, meditate and generally cleanse our souls and bodies.

Then there are upmarket detox palaces where you can have oil and volcanic mud rubbed into you. This is then followed by having river stones placed on energy points down your spine. To top things off they stick a dirty great pipe up your backside and give you a colonic lavage. The only advantage of this being that for a while you won't be as full of crap as people say you are.

All well and good and it may add twenty years onto your life. But why does it have to be tacked on after your promised three score and ten? It should be added in the middle...say at thirty...when you're still shagging like a rabbit. Thirty to fifty should last for forty years not twenty.

Why do we get rewarded for our good work with all those extra years if we have to spend them playing bowls, cards, bingo or being confined to a wrinkly detention centre? Much nicer to be out raging with your latest bokkie rather than going to bed early reeking of Horlicks.

Ah well.... we'll have to take the extended route and go genteelly into the night. The only problem is it's so bloody boring.

...and One from the IOL RSS Feed

Irvin Khoza, chief of the local organising committee for the 2010 World Cup, has responded strongly to a journalist's question during a news media briefing on Tuesday and recorded on an eTV camera.

When asked about the alleged troubles affecting the 2010 organising committee, Khoza responded in no uncertain terms.

"You must stop thinking like a kaffir," said the man heading the committee. Then he went a step further to try to explain why he chose such strong language.

"Don't do that because you are causing problems," said Khoza.

eTV reported that the Human Rights Commission had expressed shock and demanded that he retract the statement.

The Way we Were!

I was recently looking at a local website called 'Facts About Durban.' It features many interesting snippets of information about the history of our City and also the personal memories of some of my vintage who have lived their lives here.

There is a section called 'The way we were' with much on the beach and places such as The Cuban Hat, Uptons and the XL Road House. At these you could pull in in your Ford Cortina or VW and get car service with the tray clipped onto your car door. Ah...nothing like a pie, curry gravy and chips to fill up the corners. I can still taste and smell them.

The other beach front venue was known as the Mermaid Lido and stood on the sands of South Beach. It had tourist type shops on the ground floor and a large hall on the first used for various shows and functions.

The Lido was also a venue in the late '50s for 'sessions' - or Rock 'n Roll jols - where Dickie Loader and the Blue Jeans often played. As this attracted 'Ducktails' the infamous 'Ghost Squad' of the SAP would lie in wait at the XL Road House until things got out-of-hand and then swing into action. Quite a few battles raged around the Lido with those in blue versus the 'Duckies'

Your typical Ducktail had Brylcreemed hair combed back and then together at the rear which was ideal for for a high speed burn down West Street on a BSA Road Rocket, Gold Star or Triumph Tiger 110. (No sissy crash helmets required in those days) Not a hair out of place!

Your Ducktail also wore leather lammies, khaki rammies and Jarmin shoes. (Complete with steel studs in the soles and heels to make lekker klapping noises when he walked). Luminous lime green or pink socks were also a 'must have' accessory with a nice studded leather belt to take care of the middle section.

Your Duckie female wore similar attire but shoes would be 'Tom Toms' and a blue tight Orlon top was de rigueur. This was worn back-to front to best show off.....well...er...what makes girls girls! It was claimed at the time that these were unhealthy as the tightness of the garment interfered with men's breathing!

The Lido has gone and consigned to fading memory. But if you need a refresher then click here!

Gone in an Instant

The end of an era in photography is at hand. Polaroid Corporation, the maker of the once famous instant camera, is to lay off 15000 employees. They also intend to cease production of film by the end of this year.

Originally the company was founded in 1948 by Edwin Land but it was only in the 1970's that the camera became famous when the Model SX70 was introduced. It could give you an (almost) instant hard copy of your photograph – but only one copy.

Professional photographers found it a boon to fit a Polaroid back to studio cameras to take test shots prior to committing themselves to traditional film. Most others used the cameras for happy snaps or when photographs were needed at short notice for court cases, construction progress and so on.

The digital age of photography has claimed yet another famous brand name victim.

The Clock Ticks
I suffered yet another birthday a few days ago; my 66^th to be exact. My mother told me it was a hot and humid night when I was born which possibly explains my dislike for this time of the year here in sub-tropical Durban. You know how it is when people greet each other with an exclamation of 'A stinker today isn't it' in an expression of mutual support and suffering. To put the boot in they add '..and they say it will last well into March!'

The local newspaper invariably has a picture of someone frying an egg on the pavement and then articles on the ideal braai and the salads to go with it. To balance things out dire warnings are slipped in on the perils of skin cancer induced by excessive exposure to the sun. This is usually taken lightly until you find yourself in the operating theatre having that strange growth removed from the side of your nose.

But I digress. As usual......

Call me sentimental but I do like birthdays. Not only my own but those of family and good friends. They are special because they aren't some form of shoddy artificial 'day' such as Mother's Day, Father's Day, Secretary's Day, Valentines' Day invented by those with commercial avarice. The day belongs to you.

It's so nice to be the centre of interest of your family and friends on 'your' day. To receive unexpected greetings from those whom you least expected to hear from. Perhaps even a greater pleasure is wishing someone close to you a special 'Happy Birthday' and seeing the pleasure it gives them.

I suppose this is what makes us what we are......human. We feel truly human when we are recognised with genuine affection by others.

I enjoyed my day. I hope you enjoy yours when it comes around again.